I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
