We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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