look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Girls should come with a carfax report
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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