I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
