I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
