Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
