I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
