she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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