If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
