Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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