It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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