Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he puts the penis in happiness.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
