i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
