Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
