Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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