Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
