I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
