There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
