so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
