i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
