You smell like a Billy Joel song
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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