just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
