Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Can Purell be used as lube?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
