i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
