With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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