Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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