Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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