I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
