Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
