I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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