i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
