you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
