Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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