Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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