a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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