I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
