Quick, to the slutcave!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
