Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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