Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
