it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
