just come out here and I will go home with you...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
