Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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