youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
