New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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