i may or may not be watching the land before time
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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