cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
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