how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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