I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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