I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
