Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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