i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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