ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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