I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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