I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
