having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
