If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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