Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
