They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
