Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
