We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
