Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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