I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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