Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
