i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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