Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
