You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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