DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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