i already hear my dad disowning me
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
