omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
