he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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