she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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