Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
