ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
