Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
