I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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