i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
