He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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