you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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