i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
