Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
