Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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