I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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