I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
