I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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