all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
